Cause I wanna RAWK like Zakk Wylde. I'm not even kidding. I mean, I've resisted Dance Dance Revolution so far, although I think it'd be a swell way to work out without joining the other disaffected, pushy ("You mean YOU were waiting for the elliptical? OH. I thought you were just watching Storm Phillips! And no, I CAN'T hear anything because I have my iPod blasting. WHAT?") suburban masses at the gym. My sister cracked up when she realized that I downloaded the Cha Cha Slide . And a stupid little dance it may be, but hey, it works great for a workout when I'm traveling and trapped in a hotel room, or just feel chunky(-ier than usual) and want to bust a move without fear of anyone seeing me "turn it out" or "go to work" as the song instructs. Of course my dog finds it interesting, but he signed a very strict don't-ask-don't-tell agreement when I picked him up from his mom 11 years ago. DanceDance Revolution has even caught on in West Virginia, as an OFFICIAL program used in their public schools to fight childhood obesity. I actually think that's cool...if the kids want to (and can) get down, may as well use those powers for good, I say.
Karaoke Revolution is another jewel in this crown of non-revolutionary revolutionary games (I mean, these aren't exactly mind-blowing or out-of-the-ordinary activities that would require an uprising - dancing, karaoke and git-ar playing, hmm? Anyway...) I've seen that one in action too, memorable for causing a completely wrecked drunk friend to sit on a chair on his wedding day and sing along to Hoobastank's "The Reason" in what might be described as a yowl. I haven't touched that one since, but this guitar thing might push it over the edge. I resist purchasing one of these systems for the perhaps-obvious reason that I have no business having video games in my home, given the responsibilities from which they would suck away more time. More to the point, I cannot ever again have a means of playing this game.
True confession: I dated a major video game addict at one time, an action NEVER to be repeated, so help me LORD. I have my flaws and odd habits and idiosyncrasies as well, which my previous significant others could illuminate for days, but this was wrong for me on so many levels...just...wrong. Anyway, I therefore lived in a place with a Playstation for a year of which I rarely speak. For a period of months, Super Puzzle Fighter became the axis upon which my world revolved. He bought me the damned game. And then he regretted it, because I became obsessed. The little animated people who lived in my television would come at me with their stupid little pigtails and blue mohawks, bitching at me in robotic fake Asian accents with phrases that amounted to "F-You, silly challenger! Puzzle THIS! I WILL KILL YOU, STUPID APARTMENT DWELLER." This got me charged up into some competitive mode rarely seen except in live Scrabble and Scattergories matches, and I totally wished to kick their tiny little asses at all hours, regardless of what other pressing responsibilities existed in my life. And of course I NEVER wanted to play a two-person game, because when he played with me he'd be on his turn for an HOUR or something and I'd be stopped from my quest to defeat the little pigtailed girl, and I'd totally have to sublimate that energy by doing other destructive things, like eating HoHos or learning how to shop online (this was 1998? 99? AGES, I tell you. Ages.) ANYWAY, he sent the game off with me when I moved, and it became nothing more than a tragic tale of a video game cartridge (if that's what they still are? I'm forcibly out of that loop) with no...ummm...console? A metaphor is perhaps in there somewhere, but I don't really want to think about that right now. The bottom line is that if I purchased a means for rocking out with Zakk, I kind of have a vague idea where that old game is too, so let's just hope I don't find it, because that would be more trouble than I'd need at this point.
(edit: Dig how this guy plugs his friend's band at the end! Very smooth...More power to local music, but it alternately tickles me and gives me hives that no article has a distinct purpose anymore, really. Everything is a hybrid, marketing sort of thing (like this post? Maybe? Do you want to go and buy these games? No? Good!) Still, if you're local, don't discount the guy he's talking about. That's not my point.)
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