It is so hard to keep a stiff upper lip in the face of babified pain sometimes (especially when the one you were given is a little bit flimsy to begin with.)
Tonight, I need to send a thank you to those who listen when I don't make any (let's be kind and say "limited") sense - who take (and even return, posthaste) the crazy phone calls - who respond with kindness regardless of the time of day or circumstance - who try so hard to understand, and are honest with me when they don't - who make me laugh even when I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a circumstance that is horrible and dark and endless.
I know in my bones that I would be lost without this kindness, and I thank God that I've learned a little bit better how to accept it. I'd say I don't really deserve it, but I really can't say that anymore, because I think we can't afford to think that way (especially us girls - many of us really need to learn to take some help and support without apology, don't we?) We all need it sometimes - it just depends on the day. I really hope that I've provided even a tiny percentage of the comfort that the excellent people around me have provided for me - knowingly or not. I would be trapped in the ether (of my own cruel, self-flagellating thoughts) without it. The stuff I can do for myself, as independent as I often believe I am, is a Band-Aid. It doesn't really stick. But that which others do for me is like that thing that they used at the hospital to close my wound when I was stupid enough to try to open that can of mushrooms with a kitchen knife - it's that permanent. It takes the skin of your hurt and sucks it shut, leaving no room for the air of indecision or human frailty to seep in. It lays its iron grip on the worst abrasion and leaves minimal opportunity for scarring.
Even if in the moment I still have tears in my eyes, or I'm still kickboxing with the universe over something I can't change, later on I remember this kind of healing and carry it with me like an altar gift. It never stops. It never ends. I am so appreciative of my friends.
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