Operation Smile

So I've come across this opportunity and I'm incredibly excited about it, but I'm almost afraid to even think about it because I'll get too freaked out that it won't happen. I'm going to go with the direct approach for a change of putting it out there in the universe with the most hopeful of attitudes, and if I'm wrong...well, so be it. I tried.

Operation Smile is seeking volunteers for people to be patient imaging technicians on medical missions, which would involve photographing children before and after cleft lip and palate repair surgeries, and editing and posting the photographs. They go all over the place. I've said before that going along on a mission would be my dream, and I never thought that it could happen because I'm not a medical professional. I even thought of becoming a child life specialist just so I could contribute, but that's never worked out. This would be a way to use my photography skills for a really good cause.

I have a repaired cleft lip and palate, by the way, and I also have no photographs of myself pre-repair. I don't know if I've written about it on here? I suppose if you check out my occasional self-portraits you may be able to tell that things are a little sideways, or you may be like the little girl who asked me once, "Did you fall on some glass?" That one was particularly sweet. Anyway, it isn't my favorite or the easiest topic, but it's been coming up a lot lately and I feel like an idiot for not addressing it. Like I'm not representing, or something, because it's me. I don't want anyone to ever feel like they can't ask me an informed question, and it's really not that dramatic of a story. There was nothing I could do about it at the start, and throughout my life, I've dealt with it the best I could. There's just...nothing you can do about it on your own. It just is. And at this point in my life I'd say that I've made a pretty good peace with it.

It's just that I just finished The Kite Runner, in which the "harelip" (BAH!) of one of the main characters was a HUGE deal, and that was a little weird. (The book is fabulous, by the way.) And a couple months ago, a woman at my sister's work contacted me because her son has a cleft lip, and she wanted to know what my experience was and was seeking some support because she was completely flipped out that this had happened to him. I mean, really freaked out. That was a weird spot to be in, because some terrible, rose-colored glasses version of me wanted to be the "cleft lip poster child" who was completely well-adjusted at all times and never had any hangups and certainly didn't snore. Lies, all lies. I couldn't tell her it was all awesome for me, and nor is it still. But I wrote to her at length, responded honestly to her questions, and told her that her son needed her to accept him or find a way to fake it until she really could, because he would have enough struggles with everything else and his mommy needed to be a solid source of support. And I told her that it was okay to feel sad, because this is no great shakes when one is planning on the usual Gerber baby, but that it could have been so much worse...that i consider myself blessed that I have all my limbs, and that I'm cancer-free, and that my brain works and I have all my senses. All things considered, with all the stuff that can go wrong, this doesn't seem so, so bad. And it seemed that I helped her, which was cool.

I found myself really shamefully caught up about looks and beauty in my response, though, because I'd seen her photo with her baby and she was just beautiful. (And her baby was too, no joke. The repairs these days are f'ing phenomenal. It's like the Wondertwins touch these babies and go, "SHAPE OF...A PERFECTLY FORMED MOUTH." and it's all done. I know that's not true, but in this case comparison is everything. The truth is that I'm way more concerned at this point about the physical/structural challenges I face as my bones, cartilage and skin age, which are getting more pressing and PLEASE don't let them have to really break and reset my JAW. GOD. As much as my family is excited about the prospect of me not being able to talk for a month, I'm not down with the prospect of PAIN. No thanks.

Then there was an incident with the woman who did my pedicure a month ago, which was very intense and oddly healing at the same time. She asked me about my cleft repairs - wanted to know who did them - when she was finishing up, and I knew immediately that she had a personal connection because why else would she have asked "who"? Turns out that her daughter has a cleft and she's a reconstructive dentist now (because she wanted to give back, which I think is rad of course.) We talked for a long time. She was beautiful, herself - originally from Iran, and gave off the air of someone who's done a LOT of yoga. I guess her daughter has had a ton of plastic work done in adulthood, which I have not, because I hate hospitals, and I'm opposed to inessential surgeries because I don't see the benefits as outweighing the risks of anesthesia. I get really, really sick, and the risks always worry me - I'd rather be alive with my crooked nose than dead, bottom line. And at this point, who am I trying to impress? I've been in relationships where real love and even real physical attraction (Wow! Check it out!) were involved, and I'm not interested in anyone who isn't interested in me. I accept imperfect forms, and we'll all end up with them anyway...besides, I'm way more concerned at this juncture with my weight than my face. Silly, maybe, but just the way I've worked it out for myself. Still, for her daughter it was important, and I don't criticize that. This is some hard shit to wade through and whatever people decide is right for them, I support (even if it is three nose jobs. Ow.) Her daughter also did the jaw-breaking thing, and she expressed surprise that I hadn't had to yet. Damn.

Anyway, so it's weird that all of this has been coming up in the past few months, because prior to that I hadn't talked about it in any significant way since...I guess about six years ago. And I've been writing about all of this for a writing assignment that I have that it's totally appropriate for, just to try to make sense of it all and why it's becoming such a major theme in my life for 2006. So when this Operation Smile opportunity arose, I thought somehow that it was maybe a result of all of this, and maybe I was supposed to be paying attention. I don't know, but I would love to go to Vietnam or Cambodia (or anywhere else they care to send me) and look into the eyes of these children...to see families transformed from unwarranted shame to pride and gratitude...to give a little back? We'll see. Wish me luck, and send me good vibes.

*It's important to note that the initial lip repair surgery is quite routine at this point and costs approximately $750. Still, it is unavailable to children all over the world.

Comments

[Genie]

Being a long time resident of Norfolk, and having gone to school with the Magee family, I'm familiar with Operation Smile and a big fan of them. I think it would be a great opportunity for you to go and take photos!

And as a side note, having only first met you at BlogHer, my first thoughts of you were "Wow, she has great hair and is really clever!" About an hour later I noticed a small scar on your lip but didn't think much of it, not compared to fabulous hair and conversation. :)

[Michelle]

What a wonderful organization... That would be a great opportunity for you. Can you feel that? I'm sending good vibes your way... Good luck!

[laurie]

Genie - See, this is why I really loved Blogher - I met some of the greatest people ever in the most concentrated period of time! Thanks for the nice compliments - I am off to brush my hair some more and tell it how pretty it is. ; ) If I ever make it to Norfolk (not too far, right?) we'll have a drink or seven. ; )

[laurie]

Thanks Michelle!

[Killer B]

Laurie, this is why you rock. This is obviously tough to discuss, but BAM! - you put it out on the table. In the potluck of my life, you totally bring the food I wanna eat, because even if it doesn't always seem super appetizing, it's nourishing as fuck and you make it go down so easily. It's like a real meal when other people just wanna eat fried appetizers at a chain restaurant. I'm gonna send you a long email in a day or two when things slow down over here. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm impressed beyond words and will say more later :)