The Plutonian Paradigm

I had wondered why I was all caught up in this whole topic, even when all weekend, people kept mentioning the "Pluto thing," and going, "Uh, YEAH. I KNOW. That's so WEIRD." So I didn't feel like such a loser for caring about Pluto being voted off the interplanetary island, as it were. I mean, who even thought about it since you had to learn the planets in school? I happen to have a planet tattooed on my body, because when it came time for me to get my tramp stamp, I went with a Saturn-of-many-colors. It's the "ruling planet" of Capricorn, which is something about me that'll never change, plus my very stoned ex said "That's cool. I'll design it." Done. So everyone around me is just damned lucky that the ringed wonder was left alone, or else I'd have gone into seclusion or something, but I digress.

Yes, others were indeed thinking about the poor little guy, in the wake of the decision of a bunch of hungover members of the International Astronomical Union (check THOSE name badges) to kick its round, cold little ass to the curb (sounds not unlike my last breakup, actually.) And yes, hungover. They'd have to drink at these conferences, wouldn't they?

It could be none of us have better things to think about, or is it really that see, Pluto's new status as a "dwarf planet" is just challenging my 'categories'. I KNEW there had to be some reason or rationalization for this national malaise, (besides, say, war, or the threat of more natural disasters as we come upon two milestones of tragic events) as there are for most things. The demotion of Pluto has messed with my "living world" to the extent that I can no longer "force facts into separated pigeonholes." Thank God the Associated Press has come up with some new mnemonic suggestions to help us keep our planets pigeonholed, lest we all come completely unglued.

Normally I would ignore an article that included the phrase "paradigm shift," because I'm usually asleep and drooling on myself by the third line. But today I made an exception, strictly because this was the most intriguing piece I'd seen about the (ahem) ASTRONOMICAL catfight over the whole "Fuck you, tiny non-planet" thing.

Therefore, perhaps I should return to purchase this "Pluto" eyeshadow set from Estee Lauder, because even though it is $30, that's kind of chump change when it comes to keeping me on the continuum, which the article says is really important. And it's also a particularly fetching combo of green and brown, which pleases me as well.

I think the saddest, yet most resigned, response comes from Patricia Tombaugh, the widow of Pluto-discovered Clyde Tombaugh, who died in 1997. Clyde knew it was coming, though, she says...and reached this very Zen conclusion, which we would all do well to adopt: 'It's there. Whatever it is. It is there.' Just like that swell new Pluto eyeshadow, which I'd better pick up soon - because it'll probably cost me double next week.

Comments

[sweetney]

pluto eyeshadow is, apparently, not REAL eyeshadow.

or, umm, something. cough.

[Killer B]

I'm a Cap too! Wacky...