I'm not much of a liveblogger, but hello...the Academy Awards. Herewith, in the middle of the frivolity, I make a few observations...
Any damned show that includes Jack Black, Al Gore, Jack Black and Ellen DeGeneres as the host just cannot be bad. And now Melissa Etheridge is singing, right this second. I love Melissa with an everlasting love, truly. I would just love to go to Malibu and hang out at the house with her and Tammy Lynn and all the kids - Beckett or Benjamin and Bailey, of the David Crosby and Lou Diamond Phillips's exwife era, and now the new ones that Tammy carried. She sounds AWESOME, by the way.
And please don't let me forget Mark Wahlberg. I cannot ever forget Mark Wahlberg. Good vibrations, kids.
He lost for best supporting actor, though. Alan Arkin won, which is brilliant. I'm glad Eddie Murphy didn't win, only because I consider it karma for Norbit, which is trash. I haven't seen Dreamgirls, because I went to see it yesterday and couldn't find it playing anywhere close to where I was. A shame.
There's a commercial now. From the beginning this show was a tad different. Actually funny. I love Ellen. Even when she's not that funny, she's funny - that's a good comedian.
Ah, Cameron Diaz's up now. I don't like her. She annoys me. She was apparently recently scoped out smoking up with Drew Barrymore in Hawaii. Eh, they both just went through breakups. Girls need some space, apparently. Drew probably scores all of her good stuff from Hugh Grant.
Ben Affleck just introduced a cool writing montage...mentions of writing in film scenes. I guess this is for screenplays. They should have had him present with Jen or Matt. He's so dead boring otherwise.
Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett are two of the most beautiful women in the known universe, and also both quite talented, which is always a nice supplement. They just showed a scene from "Little Children", because it was nominated in the adapted screenplay category, and it just reminded me that any press Kate has received for being "curvy" or "larger than the usual actress" is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
Oh, look, it's my friend Anne Hathaway, with a great big black bow on her boobs. Her mouth could eat New York City whole. Seriously, her idiotic comments have really gotten to me, and I don't know why. Her co-star from Devil Wears Prada, Emily Somebody, is righteous however.
Naomi Watts is said to be pregnant. Good for her...she looks beautiful, regardless. An odd pairing with Robert Downey, Jr. and his addiction joke.
Ooh, Catherine Deneuve. She looks awesome. And Borat in the audience. Odd and glorious, the entertainment industry.
Ah, Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen. Gorgeous, just gorgeous. I have to see "The Lives of Others", the German nominee for Best Foreign Language film. I've seen the preview like five or six times now. Oh yeah, it just won. I had a suspicion it might from some of the articles I read. And I have to say that as visually stunning as Pan's Labyrinth is, I hated it overall. I thought it was mean and violent and depressing, although beautifully packaged and acted and filmed. I felt like I felt after "I Heart Huckabees", a vastly different film - like I didn't get it, and I hate that.
George Clooney, check it. They really do roll out all the big guns for this night. George is presenting Best Supporting Actress. Think it'll be Jennifer Hudson? Everybody else does. I'd personally like it to be Abigail Breslin, but then again I didn't see Dreamgirls. Jennifer Hudson indeed did win. Good for her. Take that, Simon Cowell. Her speech made me cry a little bit. Reference your grandma like that, and I'm pretty much done in.
Gael Garcia Bernal. Hot. The gorgeous woman clutching onto him looks a bit odd. Oh, they're doing documentaries. And they gave him a phallic innuendo joke. Tacky. Short docs are first. A few places around town showed the nominees in these categories all at once, and I wanted to go but could never fit it in. The short that just won appears to be about suffering in China...I want to make one of these before I die. Ah, one of the winners accepted in Chinese. Nice.
Long form is next. I hope Al wins. The fact that "Shut up and Sing" wasn't nominated is a ridiculous oversight.
They just said, "In case you're wondering where he's been, here he is. Jerry Seinfeld." I totally wasn't wondering. I don't know about you. You know, "Jesus Camp" might win this thing. I haven't seen that yet. I also never saw "The Boys in the Room" or "The Control Room" from last year.
"Inconvenient Truth" won. Go Al. Wow, Davis Guggenheim is breaking down. Melissa Etheridge is giving him a singular standing ovation. Leo DeCaprio is crying. I defy anyone to say that Gore is boring now. I always liked him - ask anyone who was around in 2000. I like him and Tipper in Hollywood. If he doesn't finally come out and run, I wonder if he'll endorse Hillary or Barack? I bet it's Barack. I don't think Bill helped him out very much at all when the chips were down, but then again he was going through his own stuff at the time.
An award for Marconi. I don't really know who he is.
Ellen's joke about boxed chardonnay was funny, by the way. I just remembered that. I want them to put her in a dress just once before the night is over. Just once.
Oh, no. Celine Dion. Make it stop before it starts.
She's actually singing a very nice song, but everything she sings somehow sounds like "My Heart Will Go On".
Okay, so Marconi is a famous film scorer. I vaguely remember the name. And dude, Clint Eastwood speaks Italian. Rock on, Clint. I don't think he could even read the Teleprompter without his glasses - and I have mad respect for him at this moment. I've never been so into his movies, I have to admit. HATED me so Million Dollar Baby, for instance. But this was good stuff. I wish I spoke more languages, and to be multilingual would be more than cool. I can still comprehend a lot of French, and one of these eons would like to immerse myself in it - either in France or in Montreal.
Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman - another beautiful duo. But, umm, "Volverine"? Lame. Baltimore got a shoutout. That was nice. "Babel" won for sound. I haven't seen it yet, but I really want to. I think it won't be as impressive on the television. Wow, "para toda Latinas!"
Kirsten Dunst is wearing a horrible dress, and looks completely pissed off. But maybe that's just because they're making her present with Tobey Maguire. I am liking how they're presenting the screenplay awards by reading from the screenplays. I've often thought that screenplays and actual plays would be the most difficult things to write. I wrote a short play once that was as stupid as you could possibly imagine. I love writing dialogue, though, so maybe I'll try it again. Maybe.
Ah, the stag scene from "The Queen." This was the best part of the movie, and made the character, in my opinion. Wow, "Little Miss Sunshine" won again. I'm thinking it might have a shot for best picture. Aw, the screenwriter looks like a sweet guy. That was the best speech of the night so far, I think.
These dancers are cool. I like that there are no over-the-top theatrical scenes that were the hallmark of the Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg shows.
I think Beyonce is the most ethereally beautiful woman - and can sing that beautiful face off. Jennifer Hudson is awesome, too. "Listen" is such a good song. I voted for it to win Best Song in the pool I entered. I should have gone with my "Little Miss Sunshine" instincts on a few of the categories, cause I've pretty much blown my chances.
I'm actually clapping for these girls in my living room, and there's no one here.
John Travolta and Queen Latifah.
Aw, Melissa and Tammy Lynn. I'm really torn because I think "Listen" is awesome. Saidah Garrett? Hello! I hope the "Cars" song wins, so I don't have to care. How sad is that?
Yay! Melissa won! I love her. LOVE HER. But I think I already said that, so I should probably stop. I just think she's the epitome of success, and overcoming challenges to get and stay there. And she loves Al Gore, too. This is how grassroots campaigns start, hmm?
I don't understand this montage about race and religion. I do know that it reminded me that I haven't seen "The Aviator" and I probably ought to at some point.
I really hope school is cancelled tomorrow. There's never an announcement until 5 a.m. How much does that suck?
A Foo Fighters song? What movie was that?
Oh, Kate Winslet is back. I love her dress. It's green...minty, springy green. She's presenting best editing...I need to see "Blood Diamond" also, but I know it will make me cry..."Children of Men" also. So many depressing movies. I didn't know Martin Sheen was in "The Departed." And nor did I see "United 93". So therefore I have no opinion in this category. That's refreshing. Ah, "The Departed." She met Scorsese at NYU film school, apparently. She looks really happy. I'm hoping Scorsese wins tonight. She also used the word "panoply" correctly, which is remarkable. She looks like a real class act. I'm glad she won.
Jodie Foster! In an outstanding dress! Where have you been, Jodie? I know, being a mom...So damned cool. Oh, they gave her the "In Memoriam" bit. And apparently she just lost a friend who just died and she's trying not to cry, a person named Randy Stone who was an Oscar winner. How sad, and what a gig to give someone who says they just lost their best friend. Oh, Jane Wyatt. Don Knotts. Red Buttons. The dad from A Christmas Story with the leg lamp! Sven Nykvist. I have no idea who you are but I just like your name. June Allyson...I always thought she was so pretty. She was in so many of the movies my grandma used to watch on AMC. Aw, Maureen Stapleton. I don't even think I knew she died. Scotty, beamed up. Carlo Ponti. Sidney Sheldon. Jack Palance and the one-armed push-up. Robert Altman.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman here to present the "HelenMirrenasBestActressAward". If Helen doesn't win the world will tilt on its axis. Please give it to her and make everyone feel stable. Meryl shouldn't win for this movie. She's won for so much better. There's Kate Winslet again.
Okay, Helen Mirren won. Thank God. She is so beautiful. Kate looks disappointed. And I know Penelope is, but she'll have another shot. You can tell from the way Helen looked walking off the stage that you just have no idea what will happen in this moment until it happens. She's talking to Reese Witherspoon. I wonder why she's back there?
Oh, duh, she won last year. And now she's giving out the best actor prize. She looks really tired. Damn you, Ryan Philippe. I'd love it if Ryan Gosling won this award, although Forrest Whittaker is due to win, I believe. I wonder if Peter O'Toole has ever won one? He hasn't.
Forrest Whittaker indeed did win. Good call.
They must know Scorsese is going to win if Lucas, Spielberg and Coppola are here to present it. Quite a coup.
Hey, Scorsese won. He's kissing everyone. I love Italians. Nicholson is happy.
My father looks like Jack Nicholson since he shaved his head. It's very weird.
Okay, best picture. Here we go. Rock it, Ellen.
Diane Keaton. Love her. Jack is making her do all of the announcing. Wow, "The Departed" won. That was unexpected. "Babel" kind of got the shaft. Too all over the place, I think. Diane Keaton looks awesome.
Everybody always yells that this show is too long, but I don't think it can be shorter. And whatever, it's only once a year. Overall, Ellen did a fab job, no one's dress was worse than Kirsten Dunst's (that I could see, no Bjork swan plumage anyway) and I actually didn't get bored. And now I'm even happier that I have a raincheck for a free rental of "The Departed" at Blockbuster, and I'm gonna go watch "SherryBaby", cause indie's still where it's at. Meanwhile, let's all go to the lobby, and get ourselves a treat.
The end.

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