LaurieWrites

Daily

In the past 24 (well, now it's 36) hours, I have hit myself in the mouth with my keys and split my lip (defying some form of gravity and all sense of coordination), received a 444 dollar wireless bill because I forgot to take the old broken phone back to the store, changed a lightbulb, provided personal care for my grandmother that has required me to step outside of my mind for approximately one hour, watched an Irish band with accompanying step dancers and was driven to tears by the pennywhistle...damned pennywhistle, bought a plane ticket, rationalized that my hair actually looks better when it's a little bit dirty, spent far too much time on the phone trying to figure out a log-in problem that should in no way be so super-secret, still not filed everything and cleaned my office, gotten my car washed, or made a hair appointment, flirted with a completely inaccessible person, forgotten to call the VW place because the only lights that will work on my car are the bright ones (which makes me very popular around here after dark), set up a makeshift darkroom in my basement, eaten a Greek chicken salad, the most marvelous Peppedew cheese, fried calamari (with capers, for God's sake) and crab dip, and wrote and erased approximately two thousand words, both on my screen and in my mind - among other stupid, useful, difficult, painful, necessary, happy, and mundane things. My dog has also bitten me, for the first time since he was a puppy who only knew to bite on things, be they electrical wires, fingers, or puppy snacks. Same difference.

I am tired, in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons. I need a month off, on a special island where I do not have to answer any questions, make any photocopies, or drive anywhere in particular unless I want to. I also need my film to magically process itself, and Verizon to bitchslap itself so I don't have to go to the trouble. I totally hate you, Verizon.

Overheard

Monday morning, 9:55 a.m., no snow delay, but big clumps of it are falling off the trees into the general slushy mess that is every single sidewalk on campus. It's the perfect time for a smoke and some troubleshooting.

Girl: "Dude, they found drugs in your CAR. You're gonna have to take a piss test either way."

Boy: "Mumblemumble...FUCKED."

And scene.

Snow Shoot

I went out and played in the snow today.

I had a digital depth of field and motion assignment to finish. I had shot at a basketball game on Friday, which was fun, but I had my point and shoot (the Powershot A630) and although it's an 8 MP camera, it's still sad how much the quality of the lens limits you when you're messing with the aperture and shutter speed. I think I got some good stop motion stuff from that shoot, but I really wasn't focusing on depth of field. So today when it started to snow like crazy, I decided to go out and see what cool shots I could get in my neighborhood. It was fun. The Rebel has a better lens but not great - I really need to get a nicer lens...the 1.8, which I can afford. Photography is possibly the most expensive hobby besides buying like, horses or something. It's ridiculous. I know many people who actually have way better gear than I have, and I'm just not sure how I could work that out. I spent yesterday trying to get my 4x5 sheet film developed, but the darkroom I ended up at had no hot water. I knew the guy working there, and he lent me the stuff. That probably saved me fifty bucks, and now I have the supplies, and the only price is that I'll have to turn my bathroom into a darkroom.

The good news is that I would never have imagined this a couple of years ago. Now it's just about getting the job done. Mind you, after the first assignment or so, I'm going back to medium format and giving this stuff over to someone else to process, but in the meantime I'm going to get this stuff processed. I'll probably do it wrong, but I hope not.

I really wished today that I had someone to snowball fight with, because I haven't walked that far in the snow in years, and it would have been much more fun if I'd had someone along to play with me. It was the fluffy snowman variety, not the angry, icy kind. If you haven't been out in the snow in a long time, you really should. It's much better than hitting the treadmill in a stuffy gym for an hour.

The Oscars right now this second

I'm not much of a liveblogger, but hello...the Academy Awards. Herewith, in the middle of the  frivolity, I make a few observations...

Any damned show that includes Jack Black, Al Gore, Jack Black and Ellen DeGeneres as the host just cannot be bad. And now Melissa Etheridge is singing, right this second. I love Melissa with an everlasting love, truly. I  would just love to go to Malibu and hang out at the house with her and Tammy Lynn and  all the kids - Beckett or Benjamin and Bailey, of the David Crosby and Lou Diamond Phillips's exwife era, and now the new ones that Tammy carried. She sounds AWESOME, by the way.

And please don't let me forget Mark Wahlberg. I cannot ever forget Mark Wahlberg. Good vibrations, kids.

He lost for best supporting actor, though. Alan Arkin won, which is brilliant. I'm glad Eddie Murphy didn't win, only because I consider it karma for Norbit, which is trash. I haven't seen Dreamgirls, because I went to see it yesterday and couldn't find it playing anywhere close to where I was. A shame.

There's a commercial now. From the beginning this show was a tad different. Actually funny. I love Ellen. Even when she's not that funny, she's funny - that's a good comedian.

Ah, Cameron Diaz's up now. I don't like her. She annoys me. She was apparently recently scoped out smoking up with Drew Barrymore in Hawaii. Eh, they both just went through breakups. Girls need some space, apparently. Drew probably scores all of her good stuff from Hugh Grant.

Ben Affleck just introduced a cool writing montage...mentions of writing in film scenes. I guess this is for screenplays. They should have had him present with Jen or Matt. He's so dead boring otherwise.

Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett are two of the most beautiful women in the known universe, and also both quite talented, which is always a nice supplement. They just showed a scene from "Little Children", because it was nominated in the adapted screenplay category, and it just reminded me that any press Kate has received for being "curvy" or "larger than the usual actress" is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Oh, look, it's my friend Anne Hathaway, with a great big black bow on her boobs. Her mouth could eat New York City whole. Seriously, her idiotic comments have really gotten to me, and I don't know why. Her co-star from Devil Wears Prada, Emily Somebody, is righteous however.

Naomi Watts is said to be pregnant. Good for her...she looks beautiful, regardless. An odd pairing with Robert Downey, Jr. and his addiction joke.

Ooh, Catherine Deneuve. She looks awesome. And Borat in the  audience. Odd and glorious, the entertainment industry.

Ah, Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen. Gorgeous, just gorgeous. I have to see "The Lives of Others", the German nominee for Best Foreign Language film. I've seen the preview like five or six times now. Oh yeah, it just won. I had a suspicion it might from some of the articles I read. And I have to say that as visually stunning as Pan's Labyrinth is, I hated it overall. I thought it was mean and violent and depressing, although beautifully packaged and acted and filmed. I felt like I felt after "I Heart Huckabees", a vastly different film - like I didn't get it, and I hate that.

George Clooney, check it. They really do roll out all the big guns for this night. George is presenting Best Supporting Actress. Think it'll be Jennifer Hudson? Everybody else does. I'd personally like it to be Abigail Breslin, but then again I didn't see Dreamgirls. Jennifer Hudson indeed did win. Good for her. Take that, Simon Cowell. Her speech made me cry a little bit. Reference your grandma like that, and I'm pretty much done in.

Gael Garcia Bernal. Hot. The gorgeous woman clutching onto him looks a bit odd. Oh, they're doing documentaries. And they gave him a phallic innuendo joke. Tacky. Short docs are first. A few places around town showed the nominees in these categories all at once, and I wanted to go but could never fit it in. The short that just won appears to be about suffering in China...I want to make one of these before I die. Ah, one of the winners accepted in Chinese. Nice.

Long form is next. I hope Al wins. The fact that "Shut up and Sing" wasn't nominated is a ridiculous oversight.

They just said, "In case you're wondering where he's been, here he is. Jerry Seinfeld." I totally wasn't wondering. I don't know about you. You know, "Jesus Camp" might win this thing. I haven't seen that yet. I also never saw "The Boys in the Room" or "The Control Room" from last year.

"Inconvenient Truth" won. Go Al. Wow, Davis Guggenheim is breaking down. Melissa Etheridge is giving him a singular standing ovation. Leo DeCaprio is crying. I defy anyone to say that Gore is boring now. I always liked him - ask anyone who was around in 2000. I like him and Tipper in Hollywood. If he doesn't finally come out and run, I wonder if he'll endorse Hillary or Barack? I bet it's Barack. I don't think Bill helped him out very much at all when the chips were down, but then again he was going through his own stuff at the time.

An award for Marconi. I don't really know who he is.

Ellen's joke about boxed chardonnay was funny, by the way. I just remembered that. I want them to put her in a dress just once before the night is over. Just once.

Oh, no. Celine Dion. Make it stop before it starts.

She's actually singing a very nice song, but everything she sings somehow sounds like "My Heart Will Go On".

Okay, so Marconi is a famous film scorer. I vaguely remember the name. And dude, Clint Eastwood speaks Italian. Rock on, Clint. I don't think he could even read the Teleprompter without his glasses - and I have mad respect for him at this moment. I've never been so into his movies, I have to admit. HATED me so Million Dollar Baby, for instance. But this was good stuff. I wish I spoke more languages, and to be multilingual would be more than cool. I can still comprehend a lot of French, and one of these eons would like to immerse myself in it - either in France or in Montreal.

Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman - another beautiful duo. But, umm, "Volverine"? Lame. Baltimore got a shoutout. That was nice. "Babel" won for sound. I haven't seen it yet, but I really want to. I think it won't be as impressive on the television. Wow, "para toda Latinas!"

Kirsten Dunst is wearing a horrible dress, and looks completely pissed off. But maybe that's just because they're making her present with Tobey Maguire. I am liking how they're presenting the screenplay awards by reading from the screenplays. I've often thought that screenplays and actual plays would be the most difficult things to write. I wrote a short play once that was as stupid as you could possibly imagine. I love writing dialogue, though, so maybe I'll try it again. Maybe.

Ah, the stag scene from "The Queen." This was the best part of the movie, and made the character, in my opinion. Wow, "Little Miss Sunshine" won again. I'm thinking it might have a shot for best picture. Aw, the screenwriter looks like a sweet guy. That was the best speech of the night so far, I think.

These dancers are cool. I like that there are no over-the-top theatrical scenes that were the hallmark of the Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg shows.

I think Beyonce is the most ethereally beautiful woman - and can sing that beautiful face off. Jennifer Hudson is awesome, too. "Listen" is such a good song. I voted for it to win Best Song in the pool I entered. I should have gone with my "Little Miss Sunshine" instincts on a few of the categories, cause I've pretty much blown my chances.

I'm actually clapping for these girls in my living room, and there's no one here.

John Travolta and Queen Latifah.

Aw, Melissa and Tammy Lynn. I'm really torn because I think "Listen" is awesome. Saidah Garrett? Hello! I hope the "Cars" song wins, so I don't have to care. How sad is that?

Yay! Melissa won! I love her. LOVE HER. But I think I already said that, so I should probably stop. I just think she's the epitome of success, and overcoming challenges to get and stay there. And she loves Al Gore, too. This is how grassroots campaigns start, hmm?

I don't understand this montage about race and religion. I do know that it reminded me that I haven't seen "The Aviator" and I probably ought to at some point.

I really hope school is cancelled tomorrow. There's never an announcement until 5 a.m. How much does that suck?

A Foo Fighters song? What movie was that?

Oh, Kate Winslet is back. I love her dress. It's green...minty, springy green. She's presenting best editing...I need to see "Blood Diamond" also, but I know it will make me cry..."Children of Men" also. So many depressing movies. I didn't know Martin Sheen was in "The Departed." And nor did I see "United 93". So therefore I have no opinion in this category. That's refreshing. Ah, "The Departed." She met Scorsese at NYU film school, apparently. She looks really happy. I'm hoping Scorsese wins tonight. She also used the word "panoply" correctly, which is remarkable. She looks like a real class act. I'm glad she won.

Jodie Foster! In an outstanding dress! Where have you been, Jodie? I know, being a mom...So damned cool. Oh, they gave her the "In Memoriam" bit. And apparently she just lost a friend who just died and she's trying not to cry, a person named Randy Stone who was an Oscar winner. How sad, and what a gig to give someone who says they just lost their best friend. Oh, Jane Wyatt. Don Knotts. Red Buttons. The dad from A Christmas Story with the leg lamp! Sven Nykvist. I have no idea who you are but I just like your name. June Allyson...I always thought she was so pretty. She was in so many of the movies my grandma used to watch on AMC. Aw, Maureen Stapleton. I don't even think I knew she died. Scotty, beamed up. Carlo Ponti. Sidney Sheldon. Jack Palance and the one-armed push-up. Robert Altman.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman here to present the "HelenMirrenasBestActressAward". If Helen doesn't win the world will tilt on its axis. Please give it to her and make everyone feel stable. Meryl shouldn't win for this movie. She's won for so much better. There's Kate Winslet again.

Okay, Helen Mirren won. Thank God. She is so beautiful. Kate looks disappointed. And I know Penelope is, but she'll have another shot. You can tell from the way Helen looked walking off the stage that you just have no idea what will happen in this moment until it happens. She's talking to Reese Witherspoon. I wonder why she's back there?

Oh, duh, she won last year. And now she's giving out the best actor prize. She looks really tired. Damn you, Ryan Philippe. I'd love it if Ryan Gosling won this award, although Forrest Whittaker is due to win, I believe. I wonder if Peter O'Toole has ever won one? He hasn't.

Forrest Whittaker indeed did win. Good call.

They must know Scorsese is going to win if Lucas, Spielberg and Coppola are here to present it. Quite a coup.

Hey, Scorsese won. He's kissing everyone. I love Italians. Nicholson is happy.

My father looks like Jack Nicholson since he shaved his head. It's very weird.

Okay, best picture. Here we go. Rock it, Ellen.

Diane Keaton. Love her. Jack is making her do all of the announcing. Wow, "The Departed" won. That was unexpected. "Babel" kind of got the shaft. Too all over the place, I think. Diane Keaton looks awesome.

Everybody always yells that this show is too long, but I don't think it can be shorter. And whatever, it's only once a year. Overall, Ellen did a fab job, no one's dress was worse than Kirsten Dunst's (that I could see, no Bjork swan plumage anyway) and I actually didn't get bored. And now I'm even happier that I have a raincheck for a free rental of "The Departed" at Blockbuster, and I'm gonna go watch "SherryBaby", cause indie's still where it's at. Meanwhile, let's all go to the lobby, and get ourselves a treat.

The end.

 

Love - Aromatherapy - Actually

Anne Hathaway's boyfriend eliminated her hygiene issues, and made it possible for her to .

WHAT?

Perhaps he helped her, too, with that nasty narcissistic thing that we can control with our Jedi mind tricks called clinical depression. Oh, how I miss being 24 and knowing everything. I think I was 26 when I figured out I didn't know a damned thing. How oddly freeing that was.

If it were not for the daily candy that is People.com, I might actually know some more important things.

Twenty lifetimes

Girlyman will release a new album in early March. They will play a cd release show at Jammin' Java later in the month, and I'll be there with my friends. This time I've invited several people to come - not necessarily with me if they don't want to, but just to hear this band, because I think everyone should who loves good music.

This morning I was driving to work, and a song from their first album made me cry again. It's called "The Shape I Found You In", and I think it's brought tears to my eyes every time I've ever heard it. This happens mostly in a good way, because if there's anything some music is good for, it's emotional connection and release. Some of their music is quite bouncy and happy, so it's not all tear-in-my-beer kind of stuff at all. It's just that their words are so genuine and often I find myself thinking when I hear them that at some point in my life I've felt just LIKE that, even if it's a very different sort of situation on the surface. And who really knows what anyone is representing in art - songs, stories, some pictures - anyway? It's all conjecture to a point. But then again, I've always been able to find something personal is some very universal things. Like, the line about Christmas Eve in this song is so perfect and brutal that I can't even stand to listen to it almost. That's the part where I always lose it, no matter what, mostly because I so pray not to have the need for rope ladders or bomb shelters or safety nets next time I venture down a similar road, although I know that's asking a lot from this human condition. And especially because now this human is conditioned to know better.

You were spoken for
I spent twenty lifetimes at your door
But your heart was busy within
Building bomb shelters under your skin
That's the shape I found you in
That's the shape I found you in

I was calling to you
It was one thing I knew how to do
But my heart tried to cheat
Building safety nets under my feet
So if I fell I would fall right in
That's the shape you found me in

You were delivered to me
We were closed as the stores on Christmas Eve
So I felt around in the dark
Building rope ladders into your heart
Climbing hand over hand to get in
That's the shape I found you in
That's the shape I found you in
- Ty Greenstein, 2002

In other news, it's still cold

I am so over winter, and therefore I'm going to share some links with you. I'm sure there's some parallelism in there somewhere, but I'm not going to stress about it too much.

So, I totally forgot the coolest Valentine's Day-related link that I wanted to post, I guess because it really didn't match up with what I wrote below. So here it is, a few days late but NO dollars short, trust me - the Exopolis Mix Tape.  The people at the similarly named design studio  came up with this, and let me just say, I'd hire them in a second if I had an MTV-style budget. I've actually received one of the songs from their mix tape on a mix cd that was given to me once for Valentine's Day, and it makes me laugh to think about it. I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Liz Rizzo is another Blogher editor who wrote some nice pieces about the holiday, and whose blog I enjoy in general.

In other Valentiney news, you must go to Sarah Brown's most recent post. I think you might laugh. I did, a lot, but then again I can relate on several levels, so I'm biased. Also, Patrick over at Bad News Hughes updated - and apparently lives somewhere where they have Renaissance Festivals in the winter. This disrupts my internal calendar to even consider, as turkey legs and chain mail and fake jousting are strictly in my fall schema, but really, who said I was stable? I know! NOT YOU!!!! ; )

Go here for an article, in Time Magazine, no less, about the whole Google Valentine's Day-Googe-typo flap. So many reasons to love media, so little time. And speaking of THAT, yes,  apparently Britney Spears shaved her head, and also got a little tattoo of lips, and perhaps drank another God-blessed frappucino, because I swear every time I see a picture of her she's clutching a big old cup of something and the caption reads that she's staying "hydrated". I actually think the head-shaving thing is sort of refreshing. I mean, maybe she woke up from her long winter's nap of the past three or four years and went, "Holy shit! What's going ON?" and shaving her head seemed like a fairly sane reaction. I mean, come on: Shaving head? Marrying K-Fed? Hm. What brand of crazy is worse? I know I'd pick Door # Kevin in that case. Wow.

Hmm, what else. I am still quite disturbed by the ice flying off of cars that people are too damned LAZY to hack off before they go flying around on the Beltway, where it starts to melt and then flies off like the IMPLEMENT OF DEATH that it is.  I mean, if this lady can go to jail for TWO YEARS for throwing a Coke at a car (which is completely insane, but welcome to Virginia) then the people with the ice on their cars should too. I just don't get how you can think it's okay to carve out a tiny space on your windshield that you can barely see out of, and drive around with big sheets of ice flying off of your car into the roadway and into other peoples' cars and be all, "Ooh, I just thought I'd let it warm up." If people are unable to clean their cars off, that's one thing, but get some help. And as far as I can see, the only disability is laziness, and the phenomenon that I refer to as "Planet Me."

Let's close this out with a little more Internet goodness, shall we, if only to cleanse my mind of the nasty, selfish ice people. I've been reading and really digging Meg Fowler's blog lately. And I also wrote a post on Blogher about the Westminster dog show, which is mildly interesting, if you want to cruise over there. Okay, that's probably enough for now. It's Monday again. Keep your feet on the ground, and keep that banana safe.

Vday

Perchance it says a lot about me that my favorite song related to yesterday (besides one that I'll never, ever disclose here...that I received on a mix cd once that I've since lost on purpose so I won't listen to it, and carry so close to my heart that it's a wonder I don't combust, and ain't that the way it goes for all of us and a few special things we carry?) is Outkast's "Happy Valentine's Day". It's got an excellent groove, and you should check it out.

This year, my grandma was my valentine. I'm pretty sure that's always been the case, to some degree, but this year really sucked, and it was nice to spend some time with her. We took her a Happy Meal, and watched some News Channel 8, and it was just what I needed today. My mom brought her this bear yesterday, and she was in this position when we arrived, and didn't let go of him the whole time. Right before I took this, she said, "Isn't he nice?" Seems so.

She was quite upset that Punkin had been sick, although her thoughts about such things, due to constant transitory strokes, are ephemeral these days, so she can quickly forget and focus on loving him regardless of specifics. The concern stays, anyway, because of who she is and how much she loves dogs, even if she has to ask me in a few minutes exactly what's wrong.

I wouldn't have a Boston if it weren't for growing up in her house, where they were considered royalty. Although now I consider it a mixed blessing - the cost of attachment to another creature being the pain of loss and the mental, emotional and physical responsibility of caring for him through a difficult time - I know I'll always be glad that I learned this compassion and this capacity to love at home, from a tiny girl on up.

She read her card from me, and said, "Oh, listen to all those nice things about me. Thank you, Laurie. But you know, you never did listen to my advice."

I had to point out that I very frequently wear a hat when it's freezing cold outside, and also have yet to marry an idiot, so her contention is patently untrue.

"I was too stupid to give advice," she said, to which I replied that anyone who raised four sons who are functional human beings couldn't be all bad.

"That's all I knew, besides working at the FBI," she said. And I told her, praying all the while that I wouldn't just break down, that her advice  had been enough to keep me afloat for decades, in spite of my refusal to attend church at all, which led to a spirited discussion of this particular rebellion.

"You don't go to church? That's terrible!"
"You know I don't go. We've been over this a trillion times. Why would I want to belong to any organization that won't let me lead it?"
"What do you want to lead the Church for?"
"I don't WANT to. I just couldn't. And there are plenty of women I'd rather see as priests than some of the men they're going to the ends of the earth to find."
"Well yeah, you're right. I think women would make fine priests."
"EXACTLY."

No matter what else you may ever read here that implies the contrary, please know that I know I'm a lucky girl. And grateful enough to share this shot of my many chins, because it is the purest expression of unconditional love that's yet touched  my life. (My mom tends to take blurry pictures, but she tries.)  It's thinking of this that makes me most afraid that this is where the generations stop for me, but hopefully that won't be the case. It really is the thing that makes this life most worth living.

Googe

The Google Valentine's Day logo is spelled wrong.  (They may have  changed it by now, but as of this linkage it is.)

It's got a chocolate-covered strawberry as the second "g", though, so maybe that's supposed to resemble another "o", so it can just read "Gooooeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy" in a weird sort of way? No matter what, it's a chocolate-covered strawberry, so no matter how you write it it's still spelled "y-u-m-m-y".

Ice Storm

When I'm single, as I am now, and have often been in the past, I try really hard not to approach Valentine's Day with any kind of negativity, or typical anti-holiday attitude. It's really a fine day, as far as I'm concerned. I have no beef whatsoever with celebrating love. If you've got it, flaunt it, I say, and most of us have some of it in our lives, even if it's not the romantic kind.

But this Valentine's morning, at 4:40 a.m., I watch my very sick little dog stagger around blindly, following several seizures last night and a terrible one just an hour ago. I've brought him down to the basement, because he cannot settle down, and here he is walking around, knocking into golf clubs and computer monitors, panting like his heart is going to give out any second. My vet doesn't open for three hours, and I've used all the medicine the emergency vet gave me. I took him there last night in the middle of this ice storm that I still hear outside my window. The truly wonderful vet there seemed to think that the worst had passed, and that with the extra meds he was given and the cycle he'd already been through, that he'd be okay until morning. So, so wrong. This has, in truth, been a horrifying night. And now I am raw-eyed exhausted, and I'm so fried that I cannot cry although I have been alternately terrified (of his condition and of driving in blinding ice with him beside me), half-asleep, and now exhausted with some terrified thrown in, because I've never seen him act like this before and I don't want this to be happening at all. I want to have walked in from the gym like I did at 8:15 last night, and not have heard "Your little guy's had two seizures in the past hour", and then had him have another one before 8:30. But life doesn't have that kind of rewind.

And for a minute, just a few minutes ago, I remembered that it was now February 14th, and I got really pissed off...because if this is curtains...which it may be, because he seems really sick, although he's pretty resilient, this is a fine day for it. Which is to say, in sarcastic-person terms, that it's not. In fact, it's the least fine day I can imagine for it, because I don't care about any metaphors I could construct for love, as love him I very much do. This is just a day that I want to pass without incident - not to be memorable for anything, other than a lot of red and some candy. And certainly not one I want to remember at all because terrible things are happening on it. So I'll allow myself to think, and to write, something that I generally don't say, if only because I don't know what else to say, that it just isn't fair.