LaurieWrites

In with the new

Happy almost new year, internet. I've spent the past couple of days hauling all my shit from one horrible drafty house to a nice new one, which has been the usual moving horror show. It's involved the driving (by me) of a ten-foot truck, the assistance of several members of my family, the switch from one storage unit to another, a touch of December rain, an autograph for the truck rental guy who seems to think I'm a celebrity because I had an article published in a free community newspaper, some shoe shopping, and a variety of other things, not the least of which is the dropping of my beautiful orange phone into the fucking toilet.

I love my life as much as I hate it, which is to say, sometimes, a lot.

Currently I'm sitting in my basement uploading the eleventy billion pictures I've neglected to upload since summer, just because it's the most meditative and fulfilling activity I can think of given the current lack of tantric sex in my life (joke, hi mom, but not really, haha) and there is nothing I need more at this point than meditative and fulfilling activity. I'd also like to eventually show people these pictures and given my apparent lack of interest in printing any of them on actual paper, I should probably at the very least make them digitally accessible.

It's New Year's Eve and later today I have to do some resolutiony posting for BlogHer and some other stuff and also go down to that first horrible house and remove the last random boxes that we just couldn't deal with the other day. Hopefully that'll go smoothly. I felt kind of weird because I left my dresser on the curb the other day. My sister said to leave it and my father said to leave it but I'm just not the type to leave furniture randomly by the side of the road. But just as I was about to drive the truck out of the driveway to go to the storage place, a man walked up and told me his girlfriend might like it but he had to check because she was still at work, and was I still selling it? (My sister and my friend had put a "$50" sign on it while we were packing and hauling my junk.) I told him to take it, happy new year and all that, I just didn't want to think about it anymore and if she liked it or whatever, he was welcome to it. Weird, the transfer of stuff. I was kind of sad to leave it there but it's so stupid and heavy and cumbersome that it's probably just as well to be out with that particular brand of old.

I also felt bad because I took the dining set and the sofa and chair from the living room and it left the house so horrible and cold and empty, but hey, it was mine. I don't understand how people have houses like that, that had nothing when I got there. My mom told me not to worry, that it wasn't my issue, but still.

I wish the photos were already uploaded so I could talk about my birthday, because that's much more fun than moving. It kind of rocked, unexpectedly, and I was really happy about that. Tomorrow, I guess. 

ohmibod

I mean, really. Electrocution city. I am SO lucky someone just gave me the new Prince cd. Plug that into the this thing and the top of your head should just FLY OFF YOUR NECK. Happy NEW YEAR BABY.

(I'm laughing out loud and saying "Ohmidbod" over and over right now. Why do I come across this stuff?)

Eileen Korn

If you want a gorgeous new voice to ring in the new year, let it be Eileen Korn's. I met Eileen when I was writing a story that I pitched to the PG Sentinel about the only open mic I knew about in PG County, or at least in College Park. I ended up having a total conflict of interest because as much as I was just there to write about the event, I got sucked into the music. Eileen got there pretty early and didn't go on until close to the end, but when she sat down at the piano and started to sing, I was completely blown away, and so were the other people in the place with good sense. (Here's a terrible HTML cache version of the article, because the paper charges a subscription fee, but you should be able to get the idea here.) I really want to be a music writer. This was the most fun I had all semester.

She told me at the time that she didn't have a website and wasn't playing out, and came to the open mic at the Perk as much to hear other people as she did to play herself. So that means she's nice and oddly humble as well as completely and totally talented. Somebody talked some sense into her and she has a site up now, that I learned about through the wonders of Myspace and heather of ilyaimy. There's not a whole lot there yet but there are some songs from her demo that she's made available for download. (I think the recording of the third one is messed up but the other ones are fine.)

She'll be playing a show at the Perk with Heather tomorrow night and I highly recommend you go and listen to both of them if you're in the area and are in the mood for some good music and a decent cup of coffee. I interviewed Heather for the piece as well and she was a kick to talk and listen to.

Hoping for more good ideas, and people who have them.

"You can imprison a man, but not an idea. You can exile a man, but not an idea. You can kill a man, but not an idea."

Bhutto, Benazir Prime minister of Pakistan (1953–2007)

From Learning to Give, via Lisa at BlogHer.

2007

I turn 37 today. 37. I'm more into personal new years so here goes with the deconstruction of this past one. They go so fast.

This comes from Erin, who I steal it from every year, it seems, or at least the last couple. Oh, and 2005 too. So glad your year rocked, girl. I hope my 2008 follows suit.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Attempted to climb a big-ass rock wall and made it almost all the way to the top. Went part-time in my teaching job to go back to graduate school in journalism, where I racked up several bylines in local rags, drove myself completely insane in media law, and then got a spot on an investigative reporting trip to Vietnam for this coming March. Really woke up to a truth I'd been unconsciously avoiding for years. Oh, also, I watched a close relative die all by myself. That was an unwelcome first. It was an equally cool and very upsetting year.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Let's see what it was in last year's post. ""Kick ass, in a good way." So here's hoping. Specifically, to try to work this writing thing out whether in school or out, to apply and make it as a volunteer on an Operation Smile mission, and to travel outside the United States. I'd also like to design my own Website, take the rest of the photo classes I need for my certificate, and read more books. Hmm. I didn't do so bad with those. Still no website and the photo classes went away, but I'm taking a non-print media class in the spring so that should help. I didn't travel outside the country but I did get the trip lined up for next year. And I wasn't accepted for a mission. But still, wow, a resolution partially kept. That's pretty cool.

My resolution for the new year is to lose some weight before I go to Vietnam so I can be as healthy and mobile as possible for the trip, and also to maintain my emotional equilibrium at all costs. Also I want to be published a bunch, exercise on a regular basis because it helps me manage any pesky depression so much better, set up a new Website, and finally, get my financial affairs in order so I can decide what to do about planning to have a child by the time I turn 40. Not as random as it sounds. My friend Dawn is one of the most beautiful, centered people I know, and she told me that in all the years she was single and hadn't met the right person yet, she prayed for a child and wished to be a mother, but she never took any concrete steps towards it and she thinks that's why it never happened...that she just wished and wished for it to manifest itself but she had to DO something about it to make it come true. I think it's time I quit bitching and figured it out, but I have to be in the right geographic, physical, financial and mental place to do it. I think that's not a bad goal. Oh and also I probably should finish school. : )

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No...the little ones around me kept getting bigger and more interesting, though. I wish I hung out with the kids more often. It is so true that they help to adjust your adult-sized world view in such great ways.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandmother. See #1.

5. What places did you visit? Effing LaLa Land, most of the time. But on this physical plane I actually  stayed pretty close to home this year, I guess to make up for the fact that I couldn't stay put in the year before. I did go to Austin and Chicago, Greensboro and Pittsburgh (which rocked. Loved Pittsburgh!) Oh, and New Bern, North Carolina to see my aunt and uncles' new house, my dear Myrtle Beach, and New York lots of times. New York, I love you. Call me! See you soon!

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? I don't know. My life is pretty full. I'm getting really impatient with myself regarding personal growth/getting psychological shit together stuff, so more peace in my heart, I guess. It would be nice to have a relationship again, without the unnecessary labor. ;)

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 22, the day my grandmother died. I don't remember the date, but I severed a relationship with one of my favorite people in November. That day pretty much sucked. The days I got into NYU and College Park were memorable. August 29, the first day of school. That was a fun day.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Going back to school and not completely losing my mind or getting fired from my job. Surviving September.

9. What was your biggest failure? I left my grandmother's hospital room at the wrong time. I got messed up money-wise again. I didn't respect my issues with depression enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I injure myself on a weekly basis because I am a klutz. But in huge or devastating ways, no, and I was actually hardly sick at all this year. Thank you universe.

11. What was the best thing you bought? The Macbook Pro, no question.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? This is a hard question. I always give my grandma credit because she keeps on rolling (literally) when lesser people would have curled up and died by now. She's earned every second of her 86 years.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? One person who abandoned a dying person. My former roommate who doesn't understand that flushing is a nice gesture when living in community. A couple editors. All the people in the crazy news updates on yahoo, like the people who abuse their kids and set animals on fire. Michael Vick. The American media, ironically enough.

14. Where did most of your money go? Hm. Rent. What a waste.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? School. Vietnam. Shows. The ocean, when I got to see it or thought about seeing it.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Heavy Metal Drummer, Wilco; The entire Hem catalog; Joyful Sign, Girlyman; Sober, Kelly Clarkson; Everything Will Never Be Okay, Fiction Plane; If a Song Could be President, Over the Rhine; Strapped for Cash, Fountains of Wayne; When Your Mind's Made Up, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier, existentially speaking. 
b) thinner or fatter? About the same, unfortunately.   
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, no question...financially.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Read books. Slept. (Just because I'm less effective when I'm wasted tired, not because I wish to sleep my life away.) Hung out with my friends. Taken pictures and printed pictures. Seen movies. This was a dumb movie year.

20. How did you spend Christmas last year? With the family, as usual. It was out first year hosting the big gathering. Nice.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? No.

22. How many one-night stands? 837

23. What was your favorite TV program? The Office. Top Chef.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2006? Oh dear, I don't remember.

25. What was the best book you read? "The Sun Also Rises," Ernest Hemingway. "Love is a Mix Tape," Rob Sheffield

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Wilco. (I know I'm late on this but I can't help it.) The Swell Season (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova). Neko Case's back catalog. Over the Rhine, again. Hem, every day. (I have a Hem problem. Dan Messe and Sally Ellyson are like my therapists.)

27. What did you want and get? Courage.

28. What did you want and not get? Love. Is that bad to say? I just think it's so nice to get and give. Can't help it.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? "Once". I just got it for Christmas...that's what I'm doing for my birthday, I think - watching "Once". I'm a big partier this year.

30. Did you make some new friends this year? Lots. I love my new school friends.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? LoveSugarSexMagick

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? These boho blouses are making me very, very happy. Also rocking Target clearance like Charlize Theron WISHES she could. ;)   

33. What kept you sane? My friends. Writing. Coffee. Citalopram. Healthy doses of denial and rationalization where appropriate.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Dude I love Rainn Wilson and John Krasinski and the rest of the Office cast. Glen Hansard is my new famous pretend musical boyfriend. And because I'm a political dork these days, Mike Gravel is a riot.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Late-breaking news of Benazir Bhutto's assassination this morning is hurting my heart and my mind. Happy birthday to me. Climate change, which is a completely political issue and will never be solved as long as power struggles are involved, which is to say that it may never be solved and the work should have begun 25 years ago. Iraq, although no one seems to be paying attention to the continued daily deaths and mass bombings and whatnot. I'm kind of digging the Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama pas de deux, although I'm really waiting for the real candidates to please step forward. Also because of those heinous news quizzes in my intro writing class I had to read the A section and really know it, which forced me to engage with ideas on a deeper level than I ever have. And because that sounds so pretentious I'm stopping there.

36. Who did you miss? I have the same answer for this all the time and it's insane and nobody's business so I'm going to skip it and pretend I just miss John Lennon like usual.

37. Who was the best new person you met? I don't know...all my journalism friends, I guess. Also it rocked to meet some new people at Blogher in Chicago who I'd only known online - Heather Clisby, Deb Roby,  and Maria Niles, you are the SHIT. And that's just off the top of my head.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. "Just because it hurts like hell to let it go doesn't mean you should keep it." Also, third party attribution will not save you from libel charges, so own your words...cause they's your words for better or worse, sweetheart.

The man in front of me in line at Barnes & Noble on Christmas Eve had a tower of books, dvds and games in his arms, probably about 20 items, stacked really awkwardly and in imminent danger of toppling over.

The boy behind me whispered in my ear, "That's either for one pretty spectacular kid, or a lot of just average ones. Wonder which one it is?"

I took the holiday off from this idiot box so I wouldn't stay jammed up with e-mails and stuff I had to do and school records I keep incessantly checking. Most grades are in but the ones that are out are a bit nervewracking, so I'm trying not to think about it and not succeeding. I got two extensions because things kinda blew up there at the end, mostly with my own students and finishing their semester out, which went really well so I guess it was worth it. I tried a new class structure this semester and it worked out well, I think, because their final projects were really, really good. I try to give them stuff to work with that isn't dead boring and that actually applies to their lives, because it's a career development course and not electrical engineering or algebra or something otherwise weighty and required. But it's interesting, wow, it really is - I mean what more important topic that can help you make yourself not-miserable for life than what to do for a living day in and day out for forty years???

I approach the class like some kind of crazed "do what you love" evangelist, and I also bring fruit and candy and whatever I can drum up to keep them engaged. I figure I have eight weeks to inspire them to do one thing, which is to not settle for something, ever, that makes them miserable, and to try as many things as they can while they're young and the stakes are lower. If I send them off with that concept and goal, I figure I earned my mad money. 

I really do love teaching, I have to say. But the job requires a presence and mental energy and planning, which didn't work so well with my finals. Hence the extensions. I cranked out the work for one of the classes last weekend, the media law class that was the most surprisingly ass-kicking of all my classes this semester. When I e-mailed the 20-page final and two other pieces of work to my teacher in California I literally laid my head on my laptop in gratitude after hitting "send". Now only one class has outstanding work, because I researched myself into a ball of confusion for that, and the paper I was writing was therefore so shitty that I couldn't bear to turn it in. I told her the truth where that was concerned, but I am so behind now that I have to get my head out of my you know what and just do it.

I really wanted to be finished with everything on time, even though my professors are most understanding of my (unfortunate) need to balance work and school, because apparently I have some issues (ha, no kidding) with pride goething before my falls. You know, "I can do it. I can be done. Even if it's crap. Because if I'm not done everything, I suck and all other tiny victories are invalidated." Good thing I'm (mostly) nicer to other people than I am to myself. So I have this one paper left that I'll write on the 28th/29th, hand to God, if it kills me. And then I can say I'm officially for certain done.

I really wish I was done.

Christmas was fine. I love my family dearly and loved having them all here. We had dinner here at the house and everyone came over from my father's family and some good friends too. My mom didn't leave the house on Christmas for the first time in her life, and she had some very tough moments. This holiday has been really difficult as the first one after my grandmother's death. She was a nut for Christmas and it was a huge deal for her, so a lot of those memories have been rough for my mother. Still, the day was  very good. My godson and his parents surprised me with a digital photo frame, which I've been considering but never would have bought for myself, so that was very unexpected and touched me, to tell the truth. I pursue this photography thing pretty seriously and I give lots of photo gifts, but I rarely get them, as it turns out. I think most of the time my family thinks I have certain things in mind that they won't know how to pick out or whatever, but even to get frames is nice, which sounds so dorky but I can't help it. My aunt said "You can put the flash drive in and display your portfolio" and I just thought that was the nicest thing, that they thought I had a portfolio all set up that could be displayed. It made me tear up a little. Then I thought, "Holy shit, I should get a portfolio together. What the hell is wrong with me?"

God bless us, everyone.

I have been shooting lots of photos at the house and with people, although I haven't been going out to shoot at all. I hope to spend lots of time with my pictures this week so I can get them uploaded and printed as a birthday/new year present to myself. No Christmas cards this year, there was just no time, but I think I might try to send out some new yearsy-type card just for fun. I was thankful that my little Pigpen cloud of bad mood dust dissipated in time for me not to be a total pain in the ass yesterday. I talked to my sister on the phone in Best Buy on Christmas Eve and basically unloaded, which was a little awkward, but if you can get reception and need to vent to someone in Pennsylvania because you feel like you're going to go out of your mind if you don't, the corner of the cd department where the karaoke and international section is is pretty much a ghost town.

My favorite thing about yesterday was talking to my aunt in North Carolina who hasn't been feeling so well again, and hearing my uncle yell in the background that I needed to boot up the computer and show everyone the pictures he sent my uncle of the two fish he caught yesterday morning. That was pretty sweet. We also watched Christmas Vacation and played Apples to Apples with the younger cousins and it turned into a big old game around the Christmas tree with everyone, which as holiday moments go was as nice as it probably gets around here. Yeah. That was nice. My grandmother was here and ate like a pig, which NEVER happens, and she cried a little because everyone was here and that makes her teary these days. I'm not used to it, but I figure what the hell, let it out.

Today I have to go sell a concert ticket, then go to a show in my favorite capital city, maybe (I hope!) eat some decent sushi and usher in this new year with a little more gratitude than I've been exhibiting lately, but I swear it's not for lack of trying. 37 is a strange, foreign, close-to-40 number, but I guess I can only hope that somewhere along the line I hit a stride that makes sense. I'm told I'll know it when I see it.

It is the night of the Christmas Trees and Pies.

Please to note: I am a little bit on edge right now, which is to say a lot a bit on edge, for a variety of reasons that sound increasingly stupid to me with every passing minute. The only thing that seems to be helping me maintain a bit of internal stasis is writing in this thing, which is why I've been updating more than usual and not always with gems. So whereas I should perhaps take some of this jiggy over to livejournal, set on private, I'm very "whatever" about that at this point. So I'm a little afraid to say this, but the rest of this godforsaken month may well be liveblogged. And remember...it's not you. It's totally me. Feel free to go read someone who is actually funny  (really, go to Matthew Baldwin's site and check out his link blog - especially the "every girl on craigslist", Terry Pratchett and Messiah links. The "every girl" one made me laugh guiltily, Terry Pratchett is a fucking class act (irony?) and the Messiah bit is just amusing.) Or go see someone who takes good photos. And don't say I didn't give you anything for the holiday.

It is Christmas Eve, and what that means Chez Laurie is several stops on the last-minute Christmas shopping train (dammit. Not supposed to happen this year, but Target here I am coming. Dammit.) Then the watching of Scrooged and Christmas Vacation will commence, and a repetitive marathon of South Park holiday specials. I'm holding it all together with a very spindly golden thread, thanks, and having to pull out the big guns to do it. Therefore, last night on the way up the road from paying my last and final rent check from the house I'm moving out of, I sang the Eric Cartman version of O Holy Night to myself in the car, several times. And every time I'd stop at the part where he goes "Fall on your knyas....and hear the angels' SOMETHING (VOICES!)" part and just sing it over and over again and laugh myself stupid. It was fun. ("Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" serves the same purpose for me in non-holiday times as this one and "Swiss Colony Beef Log" keep it all together at Christmas. Again, stay classy Laurie.)

The first video is the one where Kyle cattle prods him whenever he forgets the words. The second one is a stupid montage with him singing the song, but I can't find the actual clip from the episode. DAMMIT.

<

Yes, there will be therapy in the new year, never fear.

NORAD is tracking Santa Claus for you.  It's actually pretty cool, and if you bother to download Google Earth, you can see him in 3-D! Children today have no, absolutely no defense for boredom. Go outside and play - meh. Stay inside and TRACK SANTA IN 3-D? ROCK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLL.

Also, I'm turning 37-25 in a few days. Regression in the aging process is my new thesis topic. I wish I'd known about this site in the Hallmark store the other day, where this little boy was doing generally little boyish things while his mother was dragging him through the line. And instead of any commiseration with him or just plain telling him to stfu, she kept saying ominously, "Santa Claus is watching you RIGHT NOW." And as in "kept saying," I mean she said it several times, in this creepy, nasty voice. "SANTA CLAUS WATCH YOU RIGHT NOW!!! He sees you!"  Go ahead and turn Santa into the grim reaper, mama, you go on with your bad self. Blame it all on him. I mean, how cool if the kid was on the NORAD site and could go, "Actually no dawg, Santa's just gearing up to head over the Arctic Circle RIGHT ABOUT NOW. He's got other things on his plate."

Little do these kids know I'm their silent partner in rebellion, just standing behind them in the Hallmark line rooting for them while their mothers and fathers torture the clerks for extra Gold Crown card discounts.

And just so you know which government agency is sponsoring this experience, NORAD is the North American Defense Command, just so you know, which means that they must know something about him that we don't.   Glad someone's keeping an eye on the sneaky...guy (I can't bring myself to call Santa a bad name.)

I WANT IT NOW.

Seriously. What does a girl have to do?

Man shoes

I've so far avoided any comment on the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy story, because honestly I just don't care. It seems that the media and the public at large (at least on the Internet) are trying to turn Britney's downturn in fortune and now her sister's admittedly likely problematic but NOT completely unheard of early pregnancy into some kind of commentary on how we're all doing out here.

Not so, not so at all. And have you ever heard the phrase "None of your business"? It's nicely applied here. But, and this is where I got on board with paying any bit of attention to this at all, when Uncle Odus speaks, I simply have to stop and pay attention. Thanks to People for the headline that grabbed me and wouldn't let go:

"Uncle: Time for Casey to Put On 'Man Shoes'"

I presume those aren't shoes that glow in the dark? Or Pumas? Or Chucks? I'm thinking a nice, solid pair of loafers. Man shoes. Yes. Loafers for Christmas.