I used to have time to do fun things like upload photos and sit around and think on occasion. Then I went to grad school again, because I'm a masochistic crazy person. Now...I panic and feel inadequate.
Invigorating, really. But tonight I'm taking a break from that to dump out some randomness. Shall we?
First of all, I'll add them to the playlist on the left, but I really have to encourage you to pick up Girlyman's new live cd. It was in my mailbox the day I got home from New Orleans, and it's been my best friend ever since. They're telling the truth when they say it's one of their concerts you can listen to at home. I love it. My favorite song on it today is the Cyndi Lauper cover, "All Through the Night." I like the new songs a lot too...and I'm so happy to have their signature encore, "Son Of A Preacher Man." Awesome. Do go see them if they come to your area - they've been swinging this on their own, for the most part, for six years and besides being talented musicians, they're nice people and a lot of fun to see in concert.
In less happy music news, I'm not excited about the Virgin Festival lineup this year. I'm guessing these are the headliners. It's like a rack of promo cds threw up - out of order - and not my favorite rack of promos ever, either. Nine Inch Nails? Stone Temple Pilots? Jack Johnson? Confusing to me...Here, let's sing Banana Pancakes with Jack and then stroll over to watch Kanye bust it. Weird. I love the Foo Fighters but they play a lot and I've seen them in a small venue in what amounts to a perfect show for them in Cincinnati, so I don't know if I need to again.
I honestly have no idea what the STP lineup is anymore - although Interstate Love Song will always be one of my favorite summer driving songs of all time - and NIN, eh. They always bummed me out. I can't say I disliked the music entirely, it was just on another plane than where I normally reside or care to travel. I've had some friends who were pretty big fans over the years - an interesting lot, I have to say. The serious (and oh, they are so serious, aren't they?) NIN fans I've known have either been complete lunatics or totally repressed. Hmm. I wonder what that even means.
Will I ever make it to Bonnaroo? Probably not. Dammit. My word I need a sugar daddy. Or at least a cute boy with a car, a week off and a decent sense of humor. JESUS CHRIST WORLD, shut your mouth and pay attention! Meet my needs! They are so stupid minimal!
Speaking of things that do not meet my needs, I was putting gas in my car today and the ticker was going up and up and up and I was all what's up with that Willis? And because I am older every day and hurt in weird places in spite of my denial I made the Herculean effort to turn my head to look up at the sign at Fletcher's and I was like, "Fuck you. $3.53? For a gallon of gas?" And I kind of wanted to get in my tiny little very expensive now to drive car and head straight to the White House, and go, "Looky here little man. You need to leave now." I mean, I've always despised him. Ask anyone who was around during the first election that started this madness. I got a little crazy, right then and there, and things weren't nearly this bad then. I just took one look in his beady little eyes and knew we were screwed. And still we have him, prancing around on the tarmac, wanting to try on the Pope's hat today, and nobody does a damned thing. We have nine months left of this shit, people. Do you know what he could do in nine months? Have a party, is all I'm saying, because he can still swing some major machinations in the time he has left.
$46.07 it took to fill up my car today. And I drive a BEETLE, a dinky little car. It must cost twice that to fill an SUV, which, gotta say, you deserve it if you're trashing the environment worse than I am, but still. An Escalade? Please tell me it's $100 now. And no, I'm not an eco-terrorist. I'm just sick of feeling like i need springs on my car to bounce up and see around me from all sides. Menaces to the highway, all y'all.
AND yes, The Pope is here. I love how this is all flowing in spite of myself. I'm not paying a lot of attention to him in a mindful way, but the news has gone insane. I should care, I guess, raised Catholic as I was. Regardless, the word "popemobile" is stupid.
Seriously, the tv was on in the other room earlier while I was fussing with the ridiculous disk utility thing on here that currently owns my soul instead of the Holy Trinity, and I could hear him saying Mass at the National Shrine. Surreal. I understand (oh believe you me, baby, I get it) that he's a pretty powerful religious leader, but it's so weird to see the world go Catholic when there is so much misunderstanding and criticism of ritual and belief, and people who have obviously never been to a bas mitzvah complain about a measly one-hour service...And I say this from a place where I don't practice at all, except for clinging to a few symbols and appreciating the good I took away from being educated and raised in an environment where this was the path to walk.
So I called the nurse's station at the assisted living and asked them please to go turn the tv to NBC in my grandmother's room, because I am if nothing else a marginally good granddaughter, and I remain in some latent fear that the blessed sacrament will smite me if I neglect to inform my ancestors of the Holy Father's presence on our soil. And I'm at least glad that he took responsibility for the priest abuse debacle, and had the class to acknowledge that pedophilia and homosexuality are different. I mean, duh, but this is a guy who's been steeped in nothing but church stuff for all of his life, and he's 80 years old. It's a big deal for him to even address it. Stay classy, Vatican.
Speaking of which, I am SO FREAKING TIRED of my FREAKING GODDAMNED HARD DRIVE. I'm also a little tired of my life, right now, to be honest. Just a little. I have an INSANE amount of work to get done by May 10th. Insane. I don't know how I'll do it, really, and still write good stories and put together excellent web packages and photo essays. That's the hook, you know, it's one thing to get the work done but it's another to have it not suck. And if there's one thing about me that's consistent amidst all of my raging inconsistency, it's that the story or the photo or the combination of same had best not suck, because I'll hate myself.
I had a breakdown about my dog today. I checked in online with the dog I sponsored a couple of weeks ago and I saw that he wasn't adopted, and I was looking at the pictures and I sort of melted down. At first I thought it was just my normal reactionary teary sort of thing and then I realized it came from somewhere else and it wouldn't stop and I was partially horrified and partially relieved that I could still feel something on this level (and also that I was home alone.) Sometimes I wonder if my heart will always be this intrinsically broken, break on top of break on top of blahblahblah, nothing to replace it. I imagine something will have to change at some juncture, but I can't imagine when. That sounds pathetic. I want to erase it. Won't.
I did get some good news today, which is that I'll be going to Denver to cover the Democratic National Convention, instead of St. Paul to hang out with Mr. McCain. I would have gone to either gladly, because hey it's on the university and they're cool enough to send me. Plus I've heard that Minneapolis is a nice literary city and it's close, and it seems like August would be the best time to go there, when you only need a light jacket. But the story in Colorado is going to be so much bigger, no matter how this turns out.
Plus, Denver is where badass lady girl Heather Clisby is, and there are also mountains. I'm excited. This should be an awesome summer.
Finally, Bret chose Ambre, although it isn't real, I humor them. Ambre with an "re" is so beautifully Canadian, isn't it, for a woman from Alabama? Love that. And speaking of Canada, my little girl Dolores is a little Mama. Welcome springtime baby Desmond, bearer of both the best baby hair and the best baby name I've heard in a very long time. I love you already.
In other news, today I want to move to New York. Yes, today it's New York. Today I have nothing to lose. That's the story.