You win.

I have a few posts to write that I'm either in the middle of or avoiding, but I am taking a station break because damned if going through my Google search history (my scary, crazy laugh- and cringe-inducing joyride of a Google search history) today didn't unearth a video of my dog. 

I don't remember putting this video in Google videos. To my knowledge I have never consciously put a video into anything Googlefied on purpose, but such that Google's world domination ensures that they are probably cross-processing the chips and salsa I'm housing at the moment into some kind of electronic food-intake infograph of my 41st year, I'm not surprised at jack crap that Google does. 

I am going to embed that video here, because I watched it today and it made me cry, and it reminded me of the simple joy of playing with my dog, and how nothing that I do at this point really matches it, and that's kind of a problem. It reminded me of learning to raise a puppy and understanding that it was a really, really difficult thing to do, that pointed out several of my character flaws as well as the capacity to take several photographs of a two-pound animal so small he could stand in his own dinner plate. 

I'm in the middle of some big, huge, weird, life stuff, and sometimes it's nice to remember that I can maybe actually get past it and back to a time where I sit in a chair in my living room and bicker over a squeaky miniature football with a being that can't reason or speak. He was old in this clip, probably 12, and had just gotten through a round of seizures that I was convinced would kill him. He was missing teeth and he had so many physical flaws, but I didn't care. He was always a puppy to me, really.

I'll never get him back, which still breaks my bandaged heart to a noteable degree, but maybe, just maybe, another one. Maybe another place, with a lot of love and happiness, some time to sit on the couch without worrying that it's the wrong one. That would be nice. 

I like that I found him today. It bodes well for some hard things that I have on the agenda this week. I'm considering this a peculiar sort of prayer. 

Comments

[Roberta]

Dogs, man. Good for the body and soul. Proven by science and stuff. I say get a dog, but I'm an enabler like that.