LaurieWrites: Middle of Somewhere So Far

I'll be honest, this whole living my way into my future thing is a little taxing. I am overwhelmed at least once a day, and I wonder what I'm doing. There may be tears. And then I tell myself that the pioneers didn't have iPods for their CRVs, or Sonic limeade, and I'm probably going to be okay.

Yesterday I bought a rosary for $1.99 in a gas station convenience store on the edge of Fort Stockton, Texas. The Catholic belief in talismans is embedded that deep for me. I babbled to the clerk that it seemed the thing to do, that I needed all of the help I could get, I guessed. She smiled at me in a manner that indicated exactly how crazy she thought I was, because I'm sure she was way more aware than I was in that moment that if I was relying on that cheapo thing, I had best turn around.

I have made it through West Texas to the very edge. It was hypnotic, and beautiful, and long. I liked it way more than I thought I would, and although I'm content not to drive that stretch of road again for awhile, I'm happy to have it imprinted on my brain. I also appreciate the 80 mph speed limit. Thanks, Texas. You get me.

I've been taking notes on the trip so far, and I thought I'd dump them here just because there's really nowhere else, and it's obviously impossible to keep up a Twitter stream while going 80. (You're welcome.) Some of it is funny, some of it is stupid, and some of it is just my observations on the U.S. as it goes by my window.

Favorite license plates so far:

HATENYA

HEWON (Jesus should know that this guy totally cut me off.)

Favorite directions:

Go left on Ahoy from Starboard

Favorite business names:

Hillbilly Hair -- This sign was on a trailer in Pigeon Forge that appeared to be open for business.

Fo Sho Italian Grill

Prissy Polly's BBQ -- I do not want to eat any prissy person's barbecue, I don't know about you.

Assassin Pest Control

Jackpot Portable Toilets

Ho Tre Bien (A Vietnamese strip club in El Paso. The name is a perfect storm of post-colonial misspelled potentially unintended pejoratives.)

Christian Outlet Center -- Best Buy For Believers (I am not making that up.)

Favorite Souvenir:

(Austin, I love you.)

Favorite Church Sign:

GO PRAZEY NOT CRAZY (Caps not mine)

Favorite Mistake Avoided:

I did not get a tattoo at American Rebel Tattoo Salon in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Because I am almost an adult, I only considered it.

Favorite Billboard Trivia:

The purportedly "largest adult store in the South" is at approximately Exit 375 on Interstate 4oWest

Favorite Second Best Reason Not to Eat at Chik-Fil-A:

"Babee Gifts. Partee Favors. Chikin!" These billboards make me dumber every time I drive by one. Whomever comes up with these lines must drink heavily. Has to.

Favorite Creepy Business Sticker on a Car:

Fuzzy Fanny Farm French Paint Silkies

Favorite Massive Accidental Geek Out Moment:

I drove by a sign for Hope, Arkansas. "Wait. Hope. Arkansas. I know who was born there!" I said to my slightly slow self. Exited, easy peasy, there it was.

I sat on Bill's first porch swing. In my family, that means we're friends.

That's a dork right there. A Clinton-loving, Democrat dork. I don't even care. Four more years! (Later. After these four. I love you too, President Obama. Chicago is on my list.) (I can't stop being political. I'm having twitches not being able to fully focus on the election, plus the hurricanes, plus the election, plus my friends who aren't in my car. I do miss my friends who aren't in my car. Okay, I admit it.)

Favorite Thing I've Done That I'm Glad No One Was There to See But Now I'm Telling the Internet So:

Passed a "honk if you're rowdy" sign. Totally honked.

Favorite Sign That It's Time to Stop Driving For the Day:

Mentally arguing with Jimmy Buffet over the veracity of his contention that "If we weren't all crazy we would go insane." My bone to pick with this was massive at the time. I've since softened my position. It's amazing what a little sleep will do.

Favorite Meal (So Far):

Salt Lick BBQ, in Driftwood, Texas, just outside of Austin. Thank you, Wendi, for making sure I got there, and Laura for coming out to have dinner.

Seeing some of my people along the way of whatever it is I'm doing here has been the best part.

Favorite Thing, Overall:

Every day, I can start again. I guess that's a good thing.

I am headed to New Mexico now. I'm not sure if I have to present a special password to actually exit Texas, because it seems difficult to get out once you're in, but I'm going to try. Also, if you have any questions about Interstates 95, 40, or 10, I can answer them or find out. Let me know.

Comments

What a treat to have you here. We miss you already.

Posted by: Wendi | August 30, 2012 at 02:21 PM

We ate at Salt Lick this summer too. Soooo good! I ate like a pig through our whole Texas trip. Did you stop at any Buckee's convenience stores?

Posted by: marissa | August 30, 2012 at 11:13 PM

Reading all of those delightful titles in Texas, I totally see how The Bloggess belongs there!

Posted by: Teri | August 30, 2012 at 11:31 PM

I have another one for you, but it's on the Eastern Seaboard (Delaware and Maryland): Happy Harry's Discount Drugs.

I love road trip posts like this. I cannot wait to do ours next summer.

Posted by: Victoria | August 30, 2012 at 11:37 PM

I do this, too, drive along rural stretches of road sometimes (PA is full of 'em!) and note signs, billboards, buildings, city names. I file them away so I can tweet or blog about them later. It's the adult version of whatever tic-tac-toe travel game my kids are fighting over in the back seats.

Posted by: red pen mama | August 31, 2012 at 11:19 AM