Crossposted from BlogHer.
I was standing in line at the bookstore when I spied this months Washingtonian magazine. A sweet, hopefully un-airbrushed golden retriever puppy carrying a stick looked like it could run right off the cover and into my waiting arms, which would have really broken up the monotony of another dull DC winter day, let me tell you. The cover announced that "The Ultimate Guide to Pets" lay in the pages therein, so what kind of pets editor would I be if I didn't pick up a copy? The research, friends, it never ends.
After getting a little sidetracked by the "Pick Washington's Cutest Dog and Cat" contest, I was ultimately sucked into a piece by staff writer Cindy Rich, called "Bailey and Me: Do I Love Him Too Much?"
Bailey is Rich's dog, a three-year-old mix she and her husband adopted from a shelter as a puppy. It's safe to say that in the past few years, they've bonded. She says she talks to him, calls him her "son" and gives him kisses when she leaves the house. When she gets home, she asks about his day. She and her husband think and talk about him constantly when they're on vacation.
They are so not alone. The other pet lovers she quotes in her article call their pets when they're away (at the "bone booth", oh my word), spend large sums on medical bills for pets in trouble, and are loath to move them out of their spot on the bed. One Maryland man even had a "Bark Mitzvah" for his dog's 13th birthday.
I do it too - or something much like it. My dog turned 13 on January 10th, and he had his annual pizza party. He doesn't eat pizza (sensitive stomach, of course, needy little thing that he is) but he does get a special treat or two from the gourmet dog bakery. This year it was a peanut butter "cupcake" that he tore to shreds on his special treat carpet, which is only so-called because he just won't eat them anywhere else, I swear. He also gets a couple of new toys - this year the Air Kong football was a huge hit - and special use of the family "happy birthday" plate.
Okay, this is sounding a little weird. But it's NOT. Really, no matter what my friends say. Even PETA has gotten into the dog (or cat or ferret or bird - who cares?) party act too, with no less than President Ingrid Newkirk authoring a book called "Let's Have a Dog Party" and setting up space on the organization's website for creating invitations.
And I thought I was the only one reading "Go Dog Go" on a regular basis.
A dog party!
A big dog party!
Big dogs, little dogs,
red dogs, blue dogs,
yellow dogs, green dogs,
black dogs, and white dogs
are all at a dog party!
What a dog party!
I don't know about "too much", but we just really love our dog. The pizza party is a way to mark another year that he's been with our family, a group he is very much a part of even if he doesn't speak our language or share our species. I raised him from a puppy, and since returning to the East Coast, my parents have taken over the bulk of his care and feeding. Some might say their interest is a little extreme, hey, some days I say it, because they are truly bananas about this little dog. It's been unhelpfully suggested (not by them, thankfully) that it's all because I haven't provided a grandchild as a repository for their love and affection, selfish adult child that I am.
I disagree. I think it's just because he's a good dog, and an uncomplicated, unconditional source of happiness. It's that simple. It's not like he's getting unnecessary material things, or anything too expensive, because trust me, he wears Target clearance clothes just like Mom (um, Me.) His shirt just says "Got Biscuits?" whereas mine, thankfully, does not. He won't be receiving diamonds from Gothic Dog, or even a Chatterbowl, on which I could record a message to "soothe" him, which just sounds redundant to me because food is his primary soothing agent and my chatter would only serve to distract him from the task at hand. He also gets great medical care (love Dr. Hoffman. LOVE HER.) and yes, I do consider what channel is on the television before I leave the house because The Golf Channel? Snoo-zer.
He also receives a home-cooked meal (turkey and rice) daily because of the aforementioned sensitive stomach. He has free run of the house, and no couches or beds are off limits to him. And all of this is likely tied to the fact that the thought of him dying - an eventual reality, to be sure - preemptively breaks my heart. I feel bonded to him in such a way that I know he is essential to my life. Sorry, but back off, Rainbow Bridge. I totally hate you, Rainbow Bridge, as lovely a concept as you may be.
Again, how much love is too much?
Rich's professional sources in the article say they don't see anything wrong with treating pets as treasured and important family members, whether it's at a bark mitzvah, holding running conversations with them, or picking their names from a baby book (True story. Vote for her here.) Pet expert Warren Eckstein meditates with his pets and leaves them answering machine messages, and he makes a nice living at this "Dr. Phil of Dogs" gig. I've heard him on the radio. He's got good sense, and useful answers. He just happens to meditate with his dogs. Rich quotes him as saying, "This question 'Are we obsessed with our pets?' is for people who just don't get it."
Many bloggers get it just fine, and they're happy to share their stories and photos.
Slothrocket says she does spoil her greyhounds, and this photo essay shows how. (Sweet story short: it's a good thing. Her blog has me wanting to adopt a greyhound myself, but a yard is necessary first.)
Miss Erica at I Like Pasta says dog Sunshine makes her truly happy.
My pet is my baby :) I never feel alone. After coming back from a vacation, and not being able to pick up Sunshine till the next day ... I'm like "I miss her" :( I really cannot understand what I did before I got her. She is a JOY to have ... whether I'm happy or sad, she always just loves being there around me...
Sunshine has made life easier for me. Even though I thought I was going thru hell with her when she was a puppy, she grew up & let me know that life can be better than just being by yourself. She don't care if my face is breaking out with my pimples, or that I lost/gained weight, or that I'm mad at somebody, or that I'm tired ... she just wants to be there for me REGARDLESS. She has taught me *unconditional love* in a new way, beyond what family and friends have showed me. And with her, I know I have become a better person :)
KayC at Thoughts From the Quiet Storm "belongs to a shiba inu." Check the link for another photo post following a recent trip to the pet bakery.
He knows he is NOT allowed to take things off the table so I assumed he liked the treat made of honey and peanut butter and I asked him why was he staring at the table. (Yes, I talk to my dog in complete sentences. It freaks some people out. Especially when he responds like he understands me.)
Alex Lieber at PetPlace says the love isn't so much the problem as are the behavioral expectations or lack thereof, and the unintended results. Here's a response to a question from a woman who didn't feel like going out, and wanted to stay home with her cat instead.
Our friends say you love that cat too much. Could they be right? In other words, is it possible that you love your pet too much?
The answer: It is possible to form unhealthy attachments to animals, but the attachment must become pretty extreme. In the brief example cited above, the answer is probably no. A lot of people would rather forego a night in a smoky, noisy bar for a quiet evening home with kitty, who would certainly enjoy the company.
But if the relationship with your pet excludes meaningful relationships with human beings, then there may be a problem. "People can have unhealthy relationships when they lose objectivity," explains counselor Marty Tousley, RN, MS, CS.
"But it depends on the individual situation."
Tousley notes that human-animal bonds are unhealthy when we expect our pets to take the place of people. While our bonds with pets are beautiful and fulfilling, they should not supplant our desire to be with people.
In an article she authored, Tousley uses the example of a woman who has gone through unsuccessful relationships with men, perhaps a failed marriage or two. "A woman may find it safer, easier and more emotionally fulfilling to focus her relationship with a pet, who is never demanding or critical, and would never leave her feeling rejected or abandoned. In effect, she would be using her pet to mask her own fears of intimacy and commitment with men," writes Tousley.
Last year's film "Year of the Dog" starred Mollie Shannon as such a woman (and in film land it's always a woman, isn't it?)
FilmSlut describes Shannon's character here:
Molly Shannon plays a pretty-plain secretary at an Office Space-type company. She’s kind and considerate and listens to everyone’s petty concerns and rants. She brings donuts. She is happy for her office mates when they get engaged, married, promoted, etc. She is unmarried and has a dog, named Pencil (great name), whom she adores and lives for. Her existence is seemingly narrow, but she seems like a real sweetheart.
MovieReviewsComedy elaborates:
What I liked about Year of the Dog is how directorwriter Mike White and star Mollie Shannon bring a sad glow and refreshing realism to the main character, Peggy. Peggy is alone but she is non lonely – she has Pencil. Peggy has a nice job, though unfortunately working with an anal-retentive bug of a foreman Robin (Josh Pais), a good friend Layla (Regina King), world Health Organization is only interested in acquiring her boyfriend to marry her, a nice house, and a brother and sister-in-law (Laura Dern) obsessed with their children. Peggy cherishes adorable “Pencil.” The dog lives for her and gives Peggy the emotional affection and attention she has not found in her personal life. Peggy accepts the fact that she may never let a date, a boyfriend, or husband.
Peggy accepts, or Peggy settles? The movie never makes it clear, but when I saw it the character struck me as a "dog/cat-lady" stereotype and that's just not how it has to be. And mostly, it's not how it is. There's love that expands you and love that fences you in. Time and time again I see the expansive kind with people and their pets. This is the kind I read about in Cindy Rich's article, in homes and communities that are more wired than ever, when people need connection and companionship. As she quoted Eckstein, "Everyone is texting, e-mailing, and iPhoning, and that personal relationship we used to have with people around us isn't there anymore...People are looking for that emotional balance in life with their pet."
Balance is the key. In my experience, some of the happiest lives and families I've known include a healthy mix of connections - healthy human contact and a dog or cat curled up on the couch, loved entirely, unavoidably too much.
Laurie White writes at LaurieWrites.
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